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Home Funny I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

, March 3, 2016

706

-Billy Connolly

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

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Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know.

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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

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I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

Night comes to the desert all at once, as if someone turned off the light. My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?

Night comes to the desert all at once, as if someone turned off the light. My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’

If man knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they’d never marry.

If man knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they’d never marry.

There’s one thing about baldness, it’s neat.

There’s one thing about baldness, it’s neat.

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