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Home Funny I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

, March 3, 2016

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-Billy Connolly

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

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Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know.

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If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I never liked you, and I always will.

I never liked you, and I always will.

When humor can be made to alternate with melancholy, one has a success, but when the same things are funny and melancholic at the same time, it’s just wonderful.

When humor can be made to alternate with melancholy, one has a success, but when the same things are funny and melancholic at the same time, it’s just wonderful.

I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.

I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.

As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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