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Home Funny I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

, March 3, 2016

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-Billy Connolly

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

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Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know.

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I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

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I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren’t any rules, how could you break them?

I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren’t any rules, how could you break them?

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

I’d luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.

I’d luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.

If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.

If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.

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