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Home Funny One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.

, March 3, 2016

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-Samuel Johnson

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Never have more children than you have car windows.

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If at first you don’t succeed, blame your parents.

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I’m for whatever gets you through the night.

I’m for whatever gets you through the night.

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’

Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know.

Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know.

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.

I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.

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