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Home Funny I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

, March 3, 2016

651

-Steven Wright

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They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

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I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It’s chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one.

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Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

It’s not common for a woman on television, especially if she’s the mom of the family, to be funny. She’s usually a straight man or foil.

It’s not common for a woman on television, especially if she’s the mom of the family, to be funny. She’s usually a straight man or foil.

He looks as though he’s been weaned on a pickle.

He looks as though he’s been weaned on a pickle.

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

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