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Home Funny The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

, March 3, 2016

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-Dave Barry

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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

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There’s a great power in words, if you don’t hitch too many of them together.

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When I was a kid, I wanted to be serious, like Daniel Day-Lewis. No one really dreams of being a comic actor, do they? Now I realise how stupid that is – and it’s because comic acting isn’t taken seriously enough. It’s a discipline. You know instantly – either you’re funny and getting the laughs, or you’re not.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be serious, like Daniel Day-Lewis. No one really dreams of being a comic actor, do they? Now I realise how stupid that is – and it’s because comic acting isn’t taken seriously enough. It’s a discipline. You know instantly – either you’re funny and getting the laughs, or you’re not.

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.

If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.

I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It’s chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one.

I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It’s chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one.

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

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