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Home Funny Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

, March 3, 2016

245

-Tim Allen

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A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

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I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It’s chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one.

I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It’s chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one.

Let’s have some new cliches.

Let’s have some new cliches.

What after all, is a halo? It’s only one more thing to keep clean.

What after all, is a halo? It’s only one more thing to keep clean.

To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is.

To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.

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