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Home Funny People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.

People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.

, February 26, 2016

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-Ellen DeGeneres

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Night comes to the desert all at once, as if someone turned off the light.

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Every time I paint a portrait I lose a friend.

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Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

I awake with a not entirely sickened knowledge that I am merely young again and in a funny way at peace, an observer who is aware of time’s chariot, aware that some metamorphosis has occurred.

I awake with a not entirely sickened knowledge that I am merely young again and in a funny way at peace, an observer who is aware of time’s chariot, aware that some metamorphosis has occurred.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Let’s have some new cliches.

Let’s have some new cliches.

You see much more of your children once they leave home.

You see much more of your children once they leave home.

Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.

Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.

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