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Home Funny People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.

People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.

, February 26, 2016

515

-Ellen DeGeneres

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Night comes to the desert all at once, as if someone turned off the light.

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Every time I paint a portrait I lose a friend.

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The one thing you shouldn’t do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.

The one thing you shouldn’t do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.

You have to understand the tone of the movie, because if it’s supposed to be funny, it can be funny violent like the Home Alone stuff, but you have to really understand the tone of what you’re doing and make the action work for that and for the character.

You have to understand the tone of the movie, because if it’s supposed to be funny, it can be funny violent like the Home Alone stuff, but you have to really understand the tone of what you’re doing and make the action work for that and for the character.

To be or not to be. That’s not really a question.

To be or not to be. That’s not really a question.

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

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