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Home Funny I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

, March 3, 2016

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-Mitch Hedberg

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If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.

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It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

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It’s to paint directly on the canvas without any funny business, as it were, and I use almost pure turpentine to start with, adding oil as I go along until the medium becomes pure oil. I use as little oil as I can possibly help, and that’s my method.

It’s to paint directly on the canvas without any funny business, as it were, and I use almost pure turpentine to start with, adding oil as I go along until the medium becomes pure oil. I use as little oil as I can possibly help, and that’s my method.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I read part of it all the way through.

I read part of it all the way through.

Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

What after all, is a halo? It’s only one more thing to keep clean.

What after all, is a halo? It’s only one more thing to keep clean.

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