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Home Funny I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

, March 3, 2016

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-Mitch Hedberg

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If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.

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It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

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I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.

Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like they’re home. I’m that way at Saks.

Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like they’re home. I’m that way at Saks.

He looks as though he’s been weaned on a pickle.

He looks as though he’s been weaned on a pickle.

There’s nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you’re insightful about it.

There’s nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you’re insightful about it.

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