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Home Funny He looks as though he’s been weaned on a pickle.

He looks as though he’s been weaned on a pickle.

, March 4, 2016

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-Alice Roosevelt Longworth

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I never liked you, and I always will.

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I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

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It’s not an accident that both my sister and I are writers. Our parents created an accidental Petri dish. My family has great storytellers, and I grew up in a very funny, conversational house and didn’t have television. This small family farm was a bubble world that didn’t have much to do with reality.

It’s not an accident that both my sister and I are writers. Our parents created an accidental Petri dish. My family has great storytellers, and I grew up in a very funny, conversational house and didn’t have television. This small family farm was a bubble world that didn’t have much to do with reality.

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.

There’s one thing about baldness, it’s neat.

There’s one thing about baldness, it’s neat.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

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