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Home Funny I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’

, March 3, 2016

228

-Demetri Martin

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You see much more of your children once they leave home.

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I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

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You have to understand the tone of the movie, because if it’s supposed to be funny, it can be funny violent like the Home Alone stuff, but you have to really understand the tone of what you’re doing and make the action work for that and for the character.

You have to understand the tone of the movie, because if it’s supposed to be funny, it can be funny violent like the Home Alone stuff, but you have to really understand the tone of what you’re doing and make the action work for that and for the character.

Communism is like one big phone company.

Communism is like one big phone company.

So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?

So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

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