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Home Funny I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

, March 3, 2016

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-Mitch Hedberg

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If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.

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It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

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Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.

Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.

I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It’s chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one.

I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It’s chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one.

Every man has his follies – and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

Every man has his follies – and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.

I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.

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