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Home Funny I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

, March 3, 2016

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-David Lee Roth

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I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’

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Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.

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People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.

People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.

Night comes to the desert all at once, as if someone turned off the light. My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?

Night comes to the desert all at once, as if someone turned off the light. My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Every dogma has its day.

Every dogma has its day.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

I’d luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.

I’d luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.

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