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Home Funny I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

, March 3, 2016

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-Mitch Hedberg

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If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.

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It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I may be a living legend, but that sure don’t help when I’ve got to change a flat tire.

I may be a living legend, but that sure don’t help when I’ve got to change a flat tire.

There’s nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you’re insightful about it.

There’s nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you’re insightful about it.

Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

You have to understand the tone of the movie, because if it’s supposed to be funny, it can be funny violent like the Home Alone stuff, but you have to really understand the tone of what you’re doing and make the action work for that and for the character.

You have to understand the tone of the movie, because if it’s supposed to be funny, it can be funny violent like the Home Alone stuff, but you have to really understand the tone of what you’re doing and make the action work for that and for the character.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

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