I never liked you, and I always will.
-Samuel Goldwyn
Funny
He looks as though he’s been weaned on a pickle.
-Alice Roosevelt Longworth
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
-George Burns
If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
– Jack Benny
I’d luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
-Bette Davis
I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
-Billy Connolly
Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know.
-Andre Maurois
Let’s have some new cliches.
-Samuel Goldwyn
What’s another word for Thesaurus?
-Steven Wright
Be obscure clearly.
-E. B. White
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
-Woody Allen
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
-Robin Williams
I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
-Steven Wright